


A Florida Day

by orphan_account



Category: Florida Man - Fandom, Twitter - Fandom
Genre: Crack, Like this hasn’t even been proofread I don’t CARE, Nothing more, Other, This is. Crack. A joke children
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 08:33:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17936387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: One day, Twitter User is having an average internet argument. However, it is quickly interrupt by a handsome stranger with a plastic bag.





	A Florida Day

**Author's Note:**

> My friend said this was better than any disgusting ship out there and I’m here to prove her right

The sun beat down on the sandy beach. Twitter User stared down at their phone, angry that they had no signal. The beach was nice and all, but they were in the middle of yelling at someone over an RPF fanfic, which took precedence over a Holy Day of Rest. It was Sunday, so obviously they should be taking a break. However, Phan was OTP, and it was much more important their rival realize that.  
However, they were distracted from this matter of utmost importance by the sound of splashing on the shoreline. They looked up just in time to see a tall, muscular, sunburnt white man with scraggly brown hair and a beard leap into the ocean as waves crashed onto the shoreline. A plastic bag was tied around his head. Twitter User’s heart skipped a beat. Why was he so attractive? In awe, Twitter User continued to state at the spot where the handsome stranger had disappeared. However, after a few minutes, he didn’t resurface.  
A panic gripped Twitter User’s heart. How could they live without learning more about the man? On an impulse, they threw their phone to the side and dove into the water, not even taking their sundress off. They squinted through the cold, murky water and eventually spotted the slowly sinking figure. They kicked over and dragged the man to the surface, ripping the plastic bag off his head and opening his mouth so he could breathe. His cold, wet body pressed against Twitter User’s, and their heart skipped a beat.  
Twitter User dragged the stranger to the shore, dropping him on the sand and running towards their blanket. They gave a strangled sob. “My phone got sand on it!”  
-  
It was hours later - a day, actually. Twitter User scrolled through their feed, looking for an interesting thing to do, when a news article drifted across their attention. “Florida man attempts to swim with plastic bag around head, saved by stranger.” The photo showed a sunburnt white dude, with brown hair and a beard plastered to his skin and warm brown eyes. Twitter User gasped. It was the man they had witnessed almost drown! “His name is Florida Man,” they whispered, awestruck.  
Twitter User recalled the way their heart had beaten as they saw the figure leap into the water, the panic when they didn’t resurface, the sparks of joy when they found him. “I need to find him again,” they said.  
-  
“This is a terrible idea,” Twitter User’s best friend, Tumblr User, said. “I want to go home and yell at people for shipping pedophilia on a Hetalia blog. Can I leave?”  
“I need to find him!” Twitter User yelled, dramatic. “I won’t be able to do so alone!”  
Tumblr User glanced to the side uncomfortably, their short black hair shifting with their steps. “Did you read the article? That might give you more ideas. Most news reporters are really angry nobody bothers to actually read the articles.”  
“But Tumblr User, why would I do that?” Twitter User asked. “That would be convenient for the plot, and we need to draw the story out!”  
“Well, doesn’t matter,” Tumblr said, bored yet blushing. “He’s right there.”  
Conveniently, he was! There was a tall, well-built, sunburnt figure standing in the woods, dappled with sunlight. Florida Man stares at Twitter User, grinning yet still managing to look like a mug shot. “Hello, Twitter User. I’ve been looking for you.”  
Suddenly, Tumblr User has disappeared. Twitter User blushed deeply. “How do you know my name?”  
“Irrelevant,” Florida Man answered. “I’m off to throw crocodiles at unsuspecting minimum wage fast food employees. Would you like to join me?” He smirked. The sunlight caught on his crooked, yellowed teeth.  
Twitter User blushed more. “But, Florida Man... that’s illegal.”  
“That’s my whole thing. Casually breaking the law.”  
“And my whole thing is casually yelling about dumb things... we go together perfectly, Florida Man!” Twitter User gasped, collapsing into Florida Man’s arms. “You can give me stupid things to complain about by harassing underpaid employees for the sake of it!”  
Florida Man met Twitter User’s eyes, who stared into his amber orbs. “Of course, Twitter User. It was clearly meant to be.” He pulled them in with his arms, and they kissed.


End file.
